thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
