operation harelip BJ is a go
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
