I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
