I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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