Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
