all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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