I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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