I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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