i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
