Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
