all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
