please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
