They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
