id be glad to
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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