I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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