Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
