Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
FUCK WHALES
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
