He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
