He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
