The maid of honor just puked.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
