I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
