pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
