WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize