Your dad touched me again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
