It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
