She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
3 2 1 whiskey
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
