Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
