Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
