We won't sleep together?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
