Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
