Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
