I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
