I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
