Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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