You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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