I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
