Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
