Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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