all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
