i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
