I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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