FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
