you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
operation harelip BJ is a go
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
