I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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