shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
