fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
