Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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