if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
