Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
