It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
